Monday, October 22, 2012
Things you may not know about me...Kim.
1. I hate bullying. Now I know we all do but I really do. When I was in Jr High a very popular boy named Brett (or maybe Brent? ) took my backpack and emptied the contents shattering my makeup and destroying everything else. I lost my shit on him. I was ridiculed for a good week because of it. No one talked to me, I ate lunch alone.... It kind of started a long and very stressful teen life of bullying. One boy named Corey told me I looked like Rocky Dennis from the movie Mask, some other boy I don't remember pushed me up 3 flights of stairs, every single day someone made gopher sounds at me because I had messed up buckteeth, and I won't even get into the constant fat jokes that forced me to become anorexic for a year and lose 100 pounds. Life sucked for me but I always had my family and for that I am grateful. I still revert to that girl every once in awhile and think that people are talking about me. I get down on myself for physical things or think people think I am ridiculous but then I remember to step back and pat myself on the back for everything I have done and the people I have in my life who love me for me. I hate the thought of that feeling ever entering my daughters mind and so I make art. Art that I hope lifts people up. Art that reminds ME that I am worthy and that I have more to offer this world than perfect teeth or a tight ass (which by the way I have under a little chub :) My life is a gorgeous accumulation of overcoming those bullies and finding out who I really am and I wouldn't change a thing. I wonder if those bullies feel the same about their lives. I hope they do but maybe doubt it????
2. I have a very hard time with the whole idea of a consumerist society. Oh yeah back in the day when I worried about what people thought of me I wanted a fancy car and a big house...designer jeans but now I have no desire what so ever to be a part of that world. I will drive my 98 Mercury Sable until my feet fall through the floor. My house is just us nothing fancy and it will never be. My clothes? 89% of everything I wear is thrifted. I really am not a good economy driver. The only store I shop in outside of grocery stores is the Dollar Store and maybe a visit to Target or Shopko here and there. I haven't shopped at Walmart in about 10 years and the reason is I feel like it just encourages buying shit you don't need. When I did go there I found myself going for laundry soap and leaving with a $5 shirt that I bought because it was on sale...not because I needed it... and $50 worth of other junk. Also my hubby owns a manufacturing plant and well, we won't even get into the Walmart factor there. So anyways where I am going with this is that being the way I am it makes it hard for me to ever find a place in mass marketing of my art. I would love to see my art on greeting cards and posters and pillows and journals.....but then I know someday people would stop buying it and then thousands of journals would sit in a warehouse and maybe end up in a landfill and I just couldn't live with myself. I want everything I make to go somewhere. To find a home and have a purpose not to be a disposable object given no second thought when tossing it. I am not saying I will not ever pursue that route but it will be a tough decision for me one not to be taken lightly. I would love to manufacture everything myself and run things from my studio someday and be able to employ a few people to help with distribution and sales and stuff but that is really as big as I would want to be. I am fairly certain it is going to happen but it just needs to be slow and deliberate so that I can keep a handle on this core belief of mine that I don't want people to buy buy buy just to buy. I want them to buy my print because it speaks to them in a way that moves them to tears or reminds them of their self worth not because their neighbor has one. So yeah that is that.
3. I am so so so so so grateful. To my friends for supporting me, to God for giving me this incredible gift that I am so lucky to have, to my mom, dad, sister and brother for always being there for me, for my little girl who has changed my life in more ways than I can even begin to express but most of all to my husband Glenn. He has put up with me for over 20 years now which alone is just insanity but he has 100% supported all of my crazy ideas and allowed me to really become myself. Without him I would not be the person I am today. He grounds me and always loves me no matter what I do. I am madly in love with him and will be until the day I die. I thank God every single day for all that I have and all that I can do. I know I will never ever feel a victim like I did back in the bullying days because now that I understand what being grateful truly means I know that there is nothing that anyone could ever say or do to me to make me feel that way again. I have it all. I love my life. I am really truly happy.
So there are 3 things I wanted to say that are deep here are a few not so deep things.
I bite my nails...bad.
I sing really loud and again bad.
I say the f word a lot.
I am a facebook addict.
I buy too many sharpies.
I hardly ever wear shoes.
I make a lot of mistakes but laugh at them instead of freaking.
I can be a hippie when it comes to living...I compost, stay away (or at least try to) from processed stuff, grow a garden, don't kill bugs (unless they bite me), and pick up liter...I also love granola.
I have to trouble acting ridiculous.
I fully admit I am a little self centered.
So that's where my art comes from. A crazy head for sure but a happy head indeed.
be happy! Kim