Thursday, February 12, 2015

My Holly.

She was my first pet. 

15 years ago Glenn gave me the choice between diamond earrings or a dog. I chose a decision I ever made in my whole life. Since then I have lost the smaller diamond earrings I had the chance to upgrade and this week we lost our fuzzy baby too. Nothing happened when I lost the earrings but boy oh boy am I messed up without my Holly around. 

She came home with us very very young. Her mom had milk fever and the puppies were weaned off at 4 weeks. She was my gift so Glenn went to pick her out from a loving breeder in a nearby town. He likes his bitches sassy ... He's married to of course he picked the female leader of the liter. When we picked her up she fit in the palm of my hands. She was so small and so sassy and she instantly won my heart. 

After a lot of training, miles of walks every single day, and many many chewed up bras she eventually became a very obedient, smart and loving girl. She was with us through several moves, the birth of Molly, so many good times and a constant when times were tough. Always there to snuggle when we were sick or sad. Always by our side. 

She was kind of a miracle dog. About 5 years ago she had a very slim chance of recovery from a tumor that engulfed her spleen. We took the chance and after removing a 6.5 pound soccer ball sized mass from her body she not only recovered she thrived! They almost had to break her ribs to remove that tumor that was about 15% of her body weight. The day after she came home. One year later she got sick again and this time again her chance of surviving was slim. Her stomach flipped and had swollen like a balloon twisting long enough to cause parts of it to die. Again we opted to try and save her and again she recovered very quickly. After that there were minor issues but for the most part these last 4 years that may not have been have been worth every single penny we have spent. 

When we moved to our new house 2 years ago she started to kind of become a grumpy old lady. She stopped going for walks and just slept more but was still bright eyed and happy and life was good. I started noticing she was moving less and less over the last few months and because I work at home and am with her all the time I just felt like her time was becoming limited. A few weeks ago she stopped sleeping on her spot on the couch, she struggled coming to bed with us and tried to avoid stairs. Because of her age we had not gotten a biopsy done on growths she had on her joints but the vet suspected bone cancer. She had an infection that got really bad and she was in lots of pain. She looked at me with a blank stare. Her excitement to see us was still there but only if she even woke up from deep deep sleeping and even then she struggled to get up. I had lots of talks with her and as crazy as it sounds she let me know it was time. So on Monday we said our goodbyes with an ice cream cone and lots of hugs and kisses. It was the hardest day of my life so far. 

I miss her so much it hurts. I feel empty and numb and so so sad. I know it's all normal grieving and I know it will get better but right now it's really really hard to think of much else. It's just a dog! But she was my dog. One of the greatest loves of my life, my friend, my baby a part of my family that I never wanted to lose. 

So for a bit I'm going to grieve. I'm not quite sure what that means but right now it is zapping my creativity and desire to do anything really. So if I owe you a drawing or we talked about a project I just need a little time. Thank you for understanding. 

If you have a furry in your house give em a little squeeze from me. 

Much love everyone. Xoxo 


Shelly said...

Epic hugs to you, Kim. ♡♡♡♡♡♡

Vanessa Johanning said...

And a squeeze right back to you my sweets .... Xoxoxox

Kim said...

It's never just a dog. They wrap their paws tight around your heart and it hurts like heck to have to let them go. Time will help, but don't feel bad for grieving. The bigger the grief, the more you have loved. Hugs to you.